Mall Rats

In the sensorially-stimulating arena of the mall, time stands still. Only you and the present moment exist in its controlled infinity. Man comes to be one with commerce, to experience the pleasures of food court delicacies, and chase the inner knowing that a great new outfit entertains the debut of a cooler, hipper you. At the mall, we come to be that which we seek. Walk extra slowly past the cavernous Abercrombie and Fitch in the Off-White ‘ERL’ Polo, sporting your best South California stillness, and you’ll surely be recruited by a virile employee.

Absorb the volume of the ideal mall stomper, the Lanvin Curb Sneaker, in a striking blood orange color, with its padded tongue promising you to be the next local skate legend to go pro.

“Dude, you wanna crash the mall?” This is the line that Avril Lavigne asks her adorably rag-tag crew of skater punks that double as her backing band in “Complicated.” Like the queen of rock chicks herself, it’s time to get into some antics at your local indoor bazaar. You’re not like other girls, and yet, reassuringly, you’re exactly like other girls. Flex your surfer’s temperament in the Abra Blue Mesh Capri Wave Leggings, and slap your way through the mall with the percussive movement of the Coperni Black & Pink Branded Wedge Sandals. Harass your friend at their part-time job handing out coupons dressed as a hot dog in the Gray Telepresence Oversized T-shirt from 032c. Defy death on the escalator in the Vetements Black New Rock Edition Platform Tower Boots. At the end of the day, isn’t mall goth really just a countercultural hallucination?