On the Mistakes We Make
I think a mistake that young women make is to think that every boy that comes into our lives is supposed to stay. Whereas with boys, they have learned all their lives that they are supposed to be the center of attention. I think men believe so much in themselves, and have such big egos at a young age, that they think, for example, that they can have intercourse with a girl because “she’s cute” and have that be that. They don’t realize that these girls have feelings. We’ve allowed men to be disrespectful. We as a collective—moms, sisters, girlfriends, all of us.
On My Back Story
I grew up in a six-person one-bedroom household. We had bunkbeds. My mom’s bed was next to our bunks. I started with the top bunk. It was next to the light, it was very hot. I was very overweight. I broke one of the wood slats, and my mom was like “get the hell down.” [Laughs]
On Releasing Ourselves from Cycles of Abuse
Sometimes we are in relationships we are unsure we’ll ever be able to live without, so we decide to compromise. We compromise our beliefs, our feelings, our morals even. We put ourselves second out of fear of discomfort, or fear that we may not be able to find anything like this again, or simply, because we don’t want to let go. We don't want them to move on without us. We don't want anyone else to experience the love we once experienced with these people. So, we hold on. We choose to ignore the reality of the situation, and almost become naive to it. If we have to question whether something is mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual abuse: 10 out of 10 times, it is. If you feel like you could possibly be in a cycle of abuse, distance yourself. Find God—whatever, or whomever, that may be to you. Whether peace be to God, whether happiness be God, whether love be God. Find your way to a healthier state of mind, look at your situation from an outside perspective. What if it were your loved ones going through what you are going through? Your sister, your best friend, your mom?
On Being Part of a Self-Love Trend
As soon as I started to write about this stuff—self-help, self-love, self-care—it started to become universal. I don’t think I stole from anyone, or anyone stole from me. I guess it was just a wavelength that many people felt. We finally reached a point where we were like, yo we’ve got to do this better, we’ve got to treat ourselves better, and we put it into the air. I didn’t know Justin Bieber would write a song called “Love Yourself.” I didn’t know that Kendrick Lamar was going to write a song called “I Love Myself.” I just so happened to be caught by this wave. I happened to see a cycle of abuse towards women in my family, so I wanted to uplift women. Kendrick might have seen a cycle of abuse in his Black community, so he wanted to uplift Black people. We try to uplift what and who we know, we wish that someone who looked like us uplifted us when we were young.
My definition of success is to be comfortable in every way, not just financially, but spiritually, emotionally, and physically. But the reality is, for all of those things to happen at one time, it’s almost impossible. You can’t always be comfortable in every aspect of your life. I think for me, success is to accept everything as is and be comfortable with that.